Tuesday, August 17, 2004

  • Home

  • Presidential Candidate John F. Kerry,
    holding the Rosie Ruiz HH [hidden] in his hand

    What made you finally decide to try letterboxing and what did you think about it?

    While flying to Portland for a campaign stop I read about letterboxing in an issue of Time magazine. I found it intriguing and as I was in need of a small break from the campaign I phoned ahead and arranged with staff to gather the necessary supplies. I used a caricature of me as inspiration for my signature stamp. I was hooked right away after I solved the Tim’s Prize clues. These clues are pretty tough; I almost called in the NSA in to help me decipher them.

    Thanks for sending us your signature stamp via email. Do the various Secret Service members also have their own signature stamps or are they just there for your protection? What about Teresa’s signature stamp? Did you carve your own stamp?

    They don’t have stamps. With most of the Secret Service you can never tell what they are thinking because of those mirror glasses. Those guys are so gadgety you know they’d probably prefer geocaching. Teresa is working on her own stamp. You can probably guess that it will be of a particular condiment. I did carve my own stamp. As I noted before, I had some professional help with the artwork – I basically traced the caricature and simplified it somewhat. I understand that negative image stamps aren’t the preferred method but with my skills I decided to keep it simple. I never did that well in art in school!

    Were you surprised when you found the Rosie Ruiz Hitchhiker and did you know what to do with her or did Funhog have to explain?

    I was puzzled when I found Rosie. Fortunately my staff was prepared with a laptop and wireless network and while on the trail looked at the FAQ to see what a hitchhiker is. I didn’t want to look like a newbie and just post a question to the chat list. I hadn’t run into Funhog yet, when I did she explained that Rosie was a special HH and pointed me to the website about the race. I would like to note that it was a joy to converse with Funhog. She is quite the carver and much improved I must say! She did let me have a glimpse of some stamps in her main ledger that were incredible. One team’s stamp I would have sworn was store bought. There is certainly some talent out there!

    We were honored to hear that you had visited our humble webpages. How did you find out about our site? Do you have any suggestions on how we might improve this website?

    One of my staffers must have found it, I understand it is pretty far down in the Google listings but I am told that it is the place to go for the latest ‘boxing gossip and news. Google apparently needs to work on their ranking. At least one of the sites listed above yours is pretty lame. The only improvement for your site that I can think of would be the addition of some Kerry/Edwards banners.

    On to politics – what can you promise your letterboxing public that George W cannot? Do you know if President Bush letterboxes? How about his daughters?

    I can promise to open the National Parks to letterboxing in my first month as President. I will revamp the senior citizen craft discount card program. The Bush version where you have to be locked into a card for a year even though the benefits can be changed weekly is unacceptable. I will also work to allow the re-importation of rubber stamps. No longer will people need to go to Canada to buy cheap carving material.

    I’m not sure if the current President can use a compass – he certainly doesn’t know which direction this country needs to head - so if he does letterbox, he is probably limited to easy drive-bys and postal boxes. The President has no exit plan for Iraq. I am developing a plan to inundate the Iraq with letterboxes. Not only will the Iraqi’s be too busy letterboxing to fight, but this program will create numerous high paying jobs for out of work Americans. I hear that a fellow named Ryan Carpenter is in dire need of a letterboxing job.

    As for Barbara and Jenna, I understand that they hid a microbox at Chuy’s in Austin.

    If you are elected, how will you change the everyday lives of letterboxers? Will we be better off with you or our current leader?

    I will earmark $1.27 billion to implement a federal program to help capture the knowledge of the so called elites in such a way to be user friendly to new boxers. I understand this to be a tremendously complex problem that only the vast resources of the federal government can solve. Furthermore we need to reduce our dependence on foreign ink. I will fund research into stamping technology so that we can reduce ink usage by 40%.

    In your short time of letterboxing, can you offer some suggestions as to how we can adapt to the large onslaught of new boxers, as a result of recent publicity like Time Magazine?

    We must embrace the new boxers and work together. No decision should be made unilaterally. We must strive to keep letterboxing secretive and underground. New boxers don’t appreciate the unwritten rules. Newbies are the lifeblood of anything. Without them letterboxing will wither and die.

    Senator, we thank you for taking time out of a very busy schedule to spend a few minutes with us. Do you have any final thoughts?

    Thank you! I would like to say a few words of advise to keep in mind while letterboxing: avoid bushes as hiding places; no elephant related boxes – elephants belong in Africa and Asia, not America; ketchup related boxes are great but never spell it catsup; be sure to consult the French before locating a box; when in doubt, turn left; and finally, anyone under 65 years old should be sure to stay off of lawns while hunting boxes.

    Good bye Letterboxers.
    Remember to vote for me in November!


    The following is a paid pseudo advertisement!




    Paid for by the pseudo Kerry/Edwards Election Team, Converse, CA
    John Q. Public, Treasurer


    All material contained herewith has been copyrighted by
    Pinecone Productions